How To Make A Narcissist Come Crawling Back?
How to Make a Narcissist Come Crawling Back
- Give them the silent treatment.
- Post lots of pictures on social media.
- Go out with your friends.
- Start dating other people.
- Make it clear that your relationship is over.
- Control your emotions around them.
- Set clear boundaries.
- Stop seeking their approval.
- 1 How do you make a narcissist miss you?
- 2 What stops the narcissist coming back?
- 3 What does silence do to a narcissist?
- 4 Do narcissists care if you move on?
- 5 Does a narcissist miss you after no contact?
- 6 Do narcissists regret losing you?
- 7 Is it better to block or ignore a narcissist?
- 8 Will a narcissist always want you back?
- 9 What will make a narcissist chase you?
What triggers the narcissist to want you back?
How do You Get a Narcissist to Talk to You Again? – You can get the narcissist to talk to you again by accepting responsibility for the breakup and removing all obstacles preventing them from contacting you. The narcissist will jump at the chance to destroy your life again. You can expect them to come running back with open arms once you use this strategy.
How do you make a narcissist miss you?
How to Get a Narcissist to Chase You? – Following a discard, many narcissists will leave you alone for a while. Not only do they want you to feel worthless and undeserving of your time, but they’re probably searching for better romantic prospects. The key to getting a narcissist to chase you is to show them what they’re missing out on.
You need to remind them of how valuable you were in their life. Narcissists will only treat you with kindness and respect when they believe they can lose something valuable to them. They need to know that your presence in their life is conditional on their behavior. Another option is to induce the excitement that was present in the early stages of the relationship.
The narcissist was on top of the world because they finally had someone that filled all their psychological voids. Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Obsessed With You? You want them to feel the way again, when they were love bombing you and still enthralled with a new romance.
What stops the narcissist coming back?
To summarize: – Your narcissist keeps coming back, and remains fixated on you, because it is the easiest and quickest way to get a fix of Narcissistic Supply. And because you keep taking him back. Narcissists act (or refrain from acting) based solely on the availability of Narcissistic Supply (or lack thereof).
- If the narcissist keeps coming back – he does so because he is convinced that there is Narcissistic Supply to be obtained – or because he has yet to secure an alternative source of supply.
- Let him get his fix somewhere else.
- The only way to deal with a narcissist is to go “” and refuse to react to him.
: The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me
What is a narcissist’s weakness?
Below are 7 weaknesses you should look for in a narcissist – 1 Energy/aura, One can say the narcissist has an aura about them like an energy field shining outward for all to see. When this energy source gets damaged the narcissist loses his/her outer shell he/she portrays to the world.
- This dismantling of the aura is dangerous,
- It takes someone with an extremely strong mind, body and spirit ; also a calculating person who knows the narcissist like the back of their hands ; and one who knows the narcissists inner circle of influence so they can be torn down.
- This weakness is nearly impossible to break,
The calculating person doing the deed must have a way to manipulate the narcissists buddies just to penetrate that aura. If not, it is rare to go forward and be successful.2 Relationship commitment, Narcissists have great difficulty in finding and keeping a relationship,
- As a couple, both will need to open up for the relationship to work out.
- However, the narcissist is unable to allow someone else to peer into his/her heart,
- The narcissist would never air out their dirty laundry for people to see, especially a romantic interest.
- This would only reveal a sign of weakness which is unimaginable and terrifying for the narcissist.3 Self-analysis,
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within, Why? Because they walk around with this mask leading people to believe they are a perfect one-man/woman-show.
- We all know there are weaknesses behind that mask that he/she does not want to reveal out of fear,
- Then that will mean the narcissist will be brought down to the same level as anybody else.4 Do not insult the narcissist,
- This mental illness predisposes them to be hypersensitive to being put-down and made fun of,
Narcissists will feel that low-blow to their frail ego and then they stew over it for weeks and weeks. A narcissist will even imagine someone has thrown an insult his/her way who hasnt. The insult only puts on display his/her weaknesses,5 Not being the top dog.
- A humongous fear for a narcissist is they are not being seen as important,
- They go after powerful positions,
- This is seen as young as a high schooler who is a narcissist running for class president. Win. Win. Win.
- Be the #1! The backward expression of the narcissist wants all these high and mighty positions without the work, effort and experience that is required to be a leader.
If the narcissist is no longer top dog, he/she believes their weaknesses will be seen for all to admire.6 Gratitude. Thats right. Narcissists run the opposite way from gratitude. There is this messed-up idea in the world of the narcissist that gratitude is a sign of weakness,
To a narcissist, they are giving up control over you the moment they express their gratitude. He/she may think they owe someone something out of duty if he/she is grateful. Yes, a sign of weakness, The concept that someone gave them a gift puts the narcissist on an equal playing field in his/her mind.
They feel weaker or beneath them on the social ladder. This actually is the narcissists greatest fear.7 Death. Many people who do not have NPD are afraid of death. The narcissist is triple scared of death as compared to the average person. Look at it this way.
Narcissists want to be on top of the one who is already on top of the person on top. Death does not discriminate. The powerful and the wealthy along with the poor and starving die just like everybody else does. All awards, trophies, money and other possessions will go to someone else or will be thrown away or worse yet forgotten,
Since death is inevitable, that brings the narcissist down to a level playing field with everybody else. And that scares him/her to death.
What does silence do to a narcissist?
The Purpose of the Silent Treatment – Essentially, the point of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, stressed, guilty, ashamed, not good enough, or unstable enough so that they would do what the manipulator wants. It is to make the victim acquiesce to self-erasure and scramble to meet the needs of their abuser, however unhealthy or damaging those may be.
What makes a narcissist jealous?
They get jealous about everything – It’s one thing to be jealous about the attractive new co-worker, but your pet or children is something else entirely – and it’s not a good sign. They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism.
Do narcissists care if you move on?
14) They’ll feel hurt and angry – Narcissists are clingy and they might feel jealous, sad, and hurt that you’re with someone else. Nothing hurts them more than knowing that you don’t care anymore and they have no more control over you. Seeing that you’re happy with someone else is like salt to their wounds.
Does a narcissist miss you after no contact?
Does no contact hurt a narcissist? – To effectively answer this question, you must first understand how the narcissist’s mind works and how they process information. First things first, research has proven that as far as the narcissist is concerned, relationships are purely transactional or a game,
This means that the narcissist will not get into a relationship simply because they love or are attracted to someone. Narcissists usually love the idea of being in control and wielding so much power over another human, So, when a narcissist gets into a relationship, they seek sexual satisfaction and extreme attention (sometimes objectification) from their partner.
Now, when a narcissist gets into a relationship and manages to get their way with someone, they would try all they can to keep the person under their clutches, The narcissist would be hurt if their partner ever needs to implement a no contact phase in the relationship.
- The narcissist is hurt because usually there wouldn’t be anyone to give them the attention and satisfaction they would get from their partner, not until the no contact phase is over or they find another person to work their “magic” on.
- So, does a narcissist miss you after no contact? In many cases, they will.
Related Reading: What Is the Psychology of No Contact on the Dumper?
What is the love language of a narcissist?
The Love Language of the Narcissist The New York Times #1 best selling author Gary Chapman helped change millions of couples’ lives with his book “The Five Love Languages.” Chapman explains the fact that different people feel loved in different ways – some prefer acts of service, others gifts or physical touch, while some people prefer quality time or my personal favorite words of affirmation.
- But, what about narcissists? Do they follow the rules of these love languages or do they have their own set of rules for feeling “loved?” If you have ever had a toxic partner, parent or friend you probably gave and gave and gave and GAVE and it never felt like enough.
- You probably felt like the finish line was always moving and you were always losing.
You tried gifts, time, touch, attention, flattery but it never seemed to work. And, despite putting enormous effort into the relationship, you were probably told to try harder and to do better. What you missed is that it was never supposed to work. In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship.
- They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty.
- They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
- They believe you care when they see you exhausted from the endless trying.
- They feel cherished when you feel weary.
- The narcissist has a love bucket with a hole in the bottom.
What they need from you and others is to use your attention and energy to fill the bucket. The narcissist feels “loved” watching people work to fill the bucket. The problem is there is a hole in the bottom of the bucket so no matter how hard you work, how many compliments you give or sacrifices you make the bucket never fills up.
- Yet, if you take a break from the exhaustion or ask the narcissist to help fill up your bucket you will quickly experience “the flip.” The narcissist will flip the situation to make you feel bad.
- Gosh, you are so lazy.
- I just asked for you to do one little thing” or “You need to get some realistic expectations.
No wonder your last boss fired you. You’re too high maintenance.” Maybe they say “Who would have thought someone as strong in their faith as you are could be as selfish as you are. Don’t you have rules about giving to others?” or “I’m so tired of having to do everything to make this relationship work.
Being with you is exhausting.” When this happens trying to love the narcissist makes you feel like you are going crazy! You are doing everything in your power to make the narcissist happy and then the narcissist says you are selfish, high maintenance, too sensitive or lazy. In reality the narcissist is accusing you of the very character traits the narcissist is exhibiting.
Remember, love to a narcissist means you doing the work of the relationship and them avoiding the work of the relationship (and, the work of their own growth!) If they don’t feel “loved” because you stop filling up the bucket they feel it is their right to flip things on you so you take up the work of the relationship again.
- Their love language says, “If you love me you will be unselfish so I can be selfish.” This works because narcissists are smart enough to use this tactic on really great people – empathetic souls, caretakers, people dedicated to being a good person, partner, or family member.
- These people want to be kind, caring, loyal and forgiving so they keep trying to fill the toxic person’s bucket.
They aren’t dumb, but they are good! And, because they are good and would never do this to someone else they miss the fact that someone else is constantly asking them to do all the work of the relationship. They miss the PATTERN of what is happening to them.
Remember the old expression “You can’t see the forest for the trees?” It means you can’t see the whole picture because you keep getting caught up in the details of specific incidents. Toxic people want to keep you worried about the specific incidences so you miss the pattern of their behavior. They want to keep running you into trees so you don’t see the forest.
An example of a tree would be pointing out your behavior in a certain incident. “if you hadn’t been late (or talked to another human or said something I don’t like, etc.) then I wouldn’t have had to get mad, cheat on you, break something, or some other type of punishing behavior.
The tree is the one specific circumstance that they keep you focused on. The pattern of all the trees put together as a forest is “If you don’t do what I like then I get to punish you until you start doing what I want again.” This process is obviously incredibly confusing and painful for the person trying to love the narcissist.
It’s like driving a motorcycle through a forest without a helmet, trying to stay on the path, being thrown off the bike and hitting your head against every tree. A few incidences of hitting your head against the tree means your mind focuses on surviving rather than using your creative capacity to thrive.
So of course you focus on trying to avoid the next tree vs seeing the pattern of the forest. Meanwhile, the focus on missing the next tree, the next fight, the next bad mood means you are completely focused on the needs of the narcissist rather than the needs of your own life. When a narcissist sees this, and yes they can see it, they feel “loved.” Never mind that the partners, children or friends of the narcissist are completely exhausted – that their nervous systems have been in such a state of hyper-vigilance that anxiety has become as normal as a companion as the sound of their own voices.
People hope pointing out the pattern and helping the narcissist see they have a hole in the bottom of their bucket will create change in the narcissist. This is unfortunately operating off the belief that the narcissist wants to change – that the narcissist can love someone so much that the narcissist will want to stop being selfish.
- Partners or children of narcissists hope that with the right conversation or intervention the narcissists will want to stop always getting their way.
- The hope is that the narcissist will want to start taking responsibility for bad behavior rather than flipping the blame on others.
- I’ve seen a lot more hoping for change than actual change.
Pop culture and our society enforce these beliefs. Our movies, songs, and ads convince us if we become more lovable that we will make someone else better at loving. We think with the right book, retreat or therapist we can patch the hole in the bottom of the bucket.
- So, we do the work of searching for the solution.
- We beat ourselves up trying to become more understanding, more patient, more forgiving, more well.everything.
- And, with all that work you once again play into the love language of the narcissist.
- The only thing that ends up changing is that you work even more and hope even harder.
The narcissist feels “loved” because you keep working to make the relationship work, but they certainly don’t give you any credit and they don’t change, because while you see love as connection they see love as control. It’s time to forgive you. To recognize you could never be so lovable or perfect that the relationship would have been different.
- And, it would never have been different because your (very healthy and rational) goal is to not become exhausted from trying to prove your love and watching you keep trying to prove your love is how the narcissist feels loved.
- Your actions, your efforts, your hope wasn’t wrong.
- You were doing everything “right” when you were working and working.
You simply thought that, eventually, if you worked hard enough it would payoff. You thought if you worked hard enough you could get back to a place of rest within the relationship. Yet, because you were never able to rest the narcissist felt like the relationship was working.
Do narcissists regret losing you?
Do narcissists regret hurting people whom they claim to love? – Narcissistic defenses are designed to keep the narcissist’s flaws and mistakes out of awareness. Narcissists do not focus on anything that contradicts their inflated view of themselves. Unless they have had a lot of successful for their NPD, they do not feel,, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold.
Is it better to block or ignore a narcissist?
How Does a Narcissist React to Being Blocked? 11 Reactions
- Most narcissists will view being blocked as an act of aggression. A blocked narcissist won’t have any ability to silence or control you, which is very important for them. This is highly likely to be an overwhelming and scary feeling for them. As a result, a narcissist is very likely to view your behavior as a deeply serious transgression and a call to arms.
- Go all the way with full no contact if you’re going to block a narcissist.
- If you only block them on social media or on your phone, they’re likely to act up on whatever platform they can access.
- Most narcissists will struggle to keep their cool in response to this. They may hurl insults at you, or show up at your house to confront you in person. If they’re really incapable of controlling themselves, they may even threaten you. This is why it’s generally not a good idea to let a narcissist know you’re going to block them ahead of time. Avoid the confrontation by just blocking their number and social media accounts and move on.
- Don’t respond to any insults or threats. Remember that it’s not your fault that this is happening—you’re doing nothing wrong by cutting them out of your life.
- If you ever feel like you’re in danger, do not hesitate to contact the police.
- If they have a grandiose personality, there’s a chance they’ll dismiss you entirely. For the “I’m better than everyone else” narcissist, being blocked may be extremely confusing. They may think you’re crazy for not wanting them in your life or be lost on what happened to make you cut ties. For these folks, they’re likely to detach from you, pretend they never knew you in the first place, and move on.
- This is probably a best-case scenario. If you’re dealing with a narcissist who thinks they’re the greatest person of all time, blocking them may be the way to go.
- If you don’t give in, they’ll deny you ever mattered to them. This is a narcissist’s way of avoiding their true feelings about what happened. They may tell people they were only your friend because they felt sorry for you, or refuse to admit that you two were ever close in the first place. This dismissiveness makes them feel better about themselves.
- At this point, you can take solace knowing they’re probably giving up.
- They know they have no power over you, so they’re doing the only thing they can—denying.
- For a narcissist with poor self-esteem, they may do anything to keep you around. However, any change you see in their behavior is very likely to be fleeting. A narcissist who needs you to worship or adore them will scurry to do whatever they can to keep you around, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to change who they are. You may see a temporary improvement, but don’t bet on them changing for real.
- For example, if you’ve got a narcissistic friend who yearns for your attention by always playing the victim, they may stop for a week or two.
- Unfortunately, whatever change they make is highly likely to be short-lived. They’re very likely to start complaining soon enough.
- Narcissists often deflect by trying to turn things around on others. If you’re blocking them after you’ve tried addressing their behavior, they may accuse you of doing the very same thing you’re blocking them for in the first place. Narcissists project their issues on to others when they don’t get what they want, so expect them to start complaining about your behavior once you block them.
- For example, if you’ve talked to a narcissist about not criticizing your life choices and you block them, they may start telling people you’ve got a problem criticizing others.
- Do not expect a narcissist to stay quiet about what went down. You’re very likely to start hearing some lies about yourself. When a narcissist doesn’t get what they want, they’ll look elsewhere for validation. This will usually involve playing the victim card with others by spreading misinformation about how poorly you treated them.
- They may do this in an effort to draw you out into contacting them. Don’t give them what they want.
- For example, if you cut off a narcissist because they refused to stop lying to you, they may hop on Facebook or Snapchat and go on rants about you’re a compulsive liar.
- An especially vindictive narcissist will try to turn others against you. They’re not going to be happy about you blocking them, and they may try to convince your friends and family that you’re toxic (or even narcissistic yourself). This may hurt, but if your mutual friends or family members are understanding, a simple explanation may put an end to this.
- If you prefer, you can just let friends and family know that you’re putting a moratorium on any questions about what happened with the narcissist.
- If you don’t want to get a ton of questions about what happened, you may want to consider cutting off mutual contacts whom you aren’t close with.
- With an especially vindictive narcissist, they may try to get back at you. If you work together, they might file a claim with HR to try and get you fired. If you go to the same school, they may try getting you in trouble with your favorite teacher. As hurtful as this behavior may be, try to remember that this says more about them than you. If their claims are unfounded, don’t worry. Nothing should come of this.
- The trick here is to refuse to engage. Let them make themselves look petty and silly by making false accusations and refusing to let it go.
- If they don’t have an angry reaction, they may get desperate. Cutting a narcissist off may cause them to start pleading and begging. They might promise to change, or offer to get you a gift or something like that in exchange for not cutting them off. Don’t buy it. Stick to your guns and refuse to let it go—any promises they make now are just going to be empty.
- This is often a last-ditch effort to keep you around, but they’re unlikely to keep their word here.
- If their initial reaction to being blocked is fury and now they’ve suddenly changed their tune, it’s an especially big sign they don’t mean it.
- Blocking a narcissist is not the move if you want them to improve. If your goal here is to get the narcissist to realize what they’ve been doing wrong, blocking them is unlikely to work. Instead, your best bet is to set healthy boundaries, address their behavior empathetically, and try to get them some support.
- This isn’t to say that you should 100% never block a narcissist—that may indeed be the best option for your mental health and overall happiness.
Ask a Question Advertisement Co-authored by: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor This article was co-authored by and by wikiHow staff writer,, Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA.
- He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner.
- Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse.
- Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University.
This article has been viewed 73,358 times.
- Co-authors: 6
- Updated: January 10, 2023
- Views: 73,358
Categories: Medical Disclaimer The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 73,358 times. : How Does a Narcissist React to Being Blocked? 11 Reactions
Do narcissists ever let you go?
Learn Why Narcissists “Hoover” and What to Do – Darlene Lancer Follow Published in Narcissism and Abusive Relationships 4 min read Mar 21, 2021 – By Mael-Balland Beware of narcissists trying to lure you back with hoovering. Breakups with narcissists don’t always end the relationship. Many won’t let you go, even when it’s they who left the relationship, and even when they’re with a new partner. They won’t accept “no.”
Will a narcissist always want you back?
Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they’re done with you; a narcissist will come back.
What will make a narcissist chase you?
How to Get a Narcissist to Chase You: 12 Powerful Tips
- Compliments can win anybody over, especially narcissists. Start your conversations with a few flattering comments—tell them how impressed you are by their professional achievements, how nice their outfit is, or how you admire the way they work the room (anything about their status or success is a goldmine). When you give them the validation that they crave, they’ll crave you right back.
- Keep your compliments genuine with a narcissist. They often are successful people, but buttering them up too much will just inflate their ego even more.
- Compliment them a lot in the beginning of your flirtation and then pull back. If the narcissist senses their validation supply is drying up, they’ll work harder to grab your attention (and praise).
- Narcissists love to feel like the center of attention when they’re talking. They want to throw ideas around and use people as a sounding board to reaffirm their thoughts and feelings. Nod in agreement, make eye contact, and paraphrase what they say occasionally to show you’re truly listening to them. They’ll want to keep talking at you again and again and again.
- Summarize what you heard and validate or acknowledge it in some way.
- Try not to interrupt or cut them off—narcissists love dominating the conversation. If you want to contribute, wait for a natural pause of segue to jump in.
- If you don’t agree with what they’re saying, just keep smiling and nodding. You can disregard what they say after the conversation is over.
- Deep down, a narcissist is very insecure and envies confident people. A narcissist wants your confidence and emotional intelligence but doesn’t know how to get them, so they’ll work extra hard to get close to you. They’re obsessed with truly confident people and will chase them relentlessly. Exude confidence by making eye contact, using tall and open posture, and highlighting your close and meaningful relationships with friends and family.
- Once a narcissist realizes your confidence won’t magically rub off on them, they may turn on you and take advantage of your trust, time, and empathy to make themselves feel bigger.
- A narcissist is impressed by people with talents different from theirs. Find out your narcissist’s weaknesses—maybe they’re not athletic, they don’t have many friends, or they’re a terrible cook. Then tell them about your accomplishments in these areas—your time as a college footballer, your huge social circle, or the amazing soufflé you just made—to make them want you.
- This doesn’t work as well when you highlight accomplishments in an area they feel confident in. They’ll see you as competition to take down rather than an impressive person to collect.
- Narcissists want a partner that makes them look good. They’re obsessed with their public image. Sometimes, this means being the classic “eye candy” on their arm to make onlookers jealous. Other times, it means dressing or looking like a successful business person or trendy entrepreneur—whatever fits the narcissist’s constructed image of themselves. Dress to fit their fantasy and they’ll be all over you.
- The way you look is transactional to a narcissist. If your look fits in with their self-image, they’ll consider you a valuable addition to their life.
- Even if the narcissist is attracted to your looks, they may still make negative comments about your appearance to lower your self-esteem. They do this because they’re self-conscious themselves, so don’t buy into their narrative!
- Going on and on about their favorite things is a narcissist’s paradise. Ask them a question about a topic they enjoy to butter them up and make them feel like they’re giving a TED Talk (which they would love to do). Act super interested in what they’re saying, even if you don’t really care for the topic—as long as you’re their captivated audience, they’ll want to be around you.
- For your sanity, try to talk with them about a topic you also like. They can easily talk for hours when they’re fired up about something.
- Narcissists get bored easily when they’re not interested in the conversation topic. Be flexible and willing to pivot subjects to keep them engaged.
- Narcissists love giving advice—it makes them feel important and knowledgeable. They’ll feel confident enough to give advice on any topic, even if they know nothing about it. Come to them for guidance whenever you want to grab their attention and endear yourself to them. They’ll fall for it every time.
- Ask about low-stakes things like “Which brand of sparkling water should I bring to the picnic?” or “What’s the best park in the city to take my dog too?” Then if you don’t take their advice, it won’t be such a big deal.
- They’ll take it personally if you don’t follow their advice (they want to be a savior), so ask them about an issue you’re having where they might actually be knowledgeable.
- When a narcissist has their eye on you, they’ll get jealous very easily. They want to be the center of your attention at all times. Make your narcissist work harder to impress you by giving some subtle, flirty attention to another person (It doesn’t take much). A gentle touch on someone’s arm while they’re talking or some sugary compliments will trigger a narcissist’s possessiveness.
- This tactic will backfire if you flirt too hard with the other person. No one knows mind games like a narcissist, and they’ll see through your plan immediately if you lay it on too thick.
- A narcissist will shower you with affection when they have to work for you. It’s called “love bombing” and it’s how narcissists make potential partners feel like they’re in a loving relationship before they show their true colors. They’ll send you long and romantic messages, buy you gifts, and do anything they can to win you over. Keep them in the “love bombing” stage by keeping some distance between you:
- Say you’re busy when they try to make plans with you.
- Flirt but then suddenly lose interest in them.
- Act confident without expressing many emotions.
- When you ignore a narcissist, they’ll reach out to you excessively. They want to feel like they can get an emotional response out of you, and when they can’t, they’ll bombard you with messages to try and win you back. Try the “no contact” rule and wait a few days to return their calls, messages, or DMs. The less you respond to them, the more neglected—and eager to see you—they feel.
- A narcissist’s messages won’t always be nice. Some will try to butter you up with compliments and seductive comments, but some will hurl insults and lies at you just to get a reaction.
- Narcissists are often unbending and want to get their way. They’re attracted to people that are extremely flexible and don’t make a big deal out of things. When you’re making plans or working together, work around their schedule, rules, and needs to show them you’re an easy add to their life. When they see that you’re willing to go along with their plans, they’ll want to keep you around.
- Constant compromising might get old if you’re starting a relationship with a narcissist. For your long-term sanity, set boundaries with them once you’re together.
- A narcissist won’t pursue someone who calls out their toxic behavior. Instead, they only want to be with someone who views them with rose colored glasses on. Focus on and compliment their good traits (yes, even narcissists have some redeeming qualities!).
- Do not be critical or blame them. It may make them defensive.
- For example, instead of criticizing their tendency to lash out, compliment their appearance during a tantrum or praise their “expressiveness.”
- Narcissists are also drawn to people who forgive easily. They’ll pursue anyone who won’t hold a grudge or challenge them.
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Advertisement This article was co-authored by and by wikiHow staff writer,, Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California.
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- Updated: August 10, 2022
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Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 18,643 times. : How to Get a Narcissist to Chase You: 12 Powerful Tips
How long can a narcissist go with no contact before they reach back out to you?
How long does it take a narcissist to come back? – In most cases, the narcissist will come back at you immediately after you put in place the no contact rule. Considering how important their ego is to them and how they need that constant attention from their partner, they would come for you immediately.
Rest assured that they may not stop their advances simply because you asked them nicely the first couple of times. Considering how skewered their opinions about themselves are, the narcissist truly believes you need them as much as they need you, So, they may not understand why you might be playing “hard to get” after effecting the no contact rule.
Having no contact with a narcissist is a good way to get your life back together, but you must ensure that you are ready for the onslaughts that would follow. Because for the narcissist, reaching out after no contact is a must. If they don’t reach out, it could be because they have truly gotten over you, the relationship wasn’t worth that much to them, or they have gotten another narcissistic supply source,
What does a narcissist really want from you?
Narcissists or similar types of abusers will benefit from certain traits of the other parties in their relationships. The following list includes some of these traits. If you are a partner (also known as co-narcissist) of a narcissistic abuser, then use this list to help make the necessary changes you need to protect yourself.
Forgiving. Narcissists benefit from being with people who will forgive them for being hurtful. They will continuously hurt you, so in order for them to continue in the relationship, they need to be with someone who does not hold grudges. Loyal. Narcissists require loyalty. That being said, the loyalty is only one way.
Many narcissists demand loyalty from their partners, while hypocritically betraying the relationship themselves; sometimes by even cheating on their partners, with no remorse. Overlooks the bad. Only sees the good in others. Co-narcissists often overlook peoples bad traits, tending to focus mainly on the good.
- If the narcissist has a bad temper, their partner may overlook this trait, focusing instead, on how good looking he/she is.
- Overlooking the bad is necessary for maintaining a relationship with a narcissist, for obvious reasons.
- Have external locus of control.
- In other words, targets of narcissists are often people who are not self-referencing, but, rather are other-referencing; that is, they do not look internally for their decision making, such as by asking How do I feel about this? Rather, co-narcissists, evaluate decisions by how the other person might react, with no concern for the self.
Self-Sacrificing. Narcissists love to find partners who are self-sacrificing. Narcissists dont have any desire to focus on the victims needs. He/she needs a partner who is willing to have no needs, that way, he/she can always make sure only the narcissist is taken care of.
Overly Responsible. Victims of narcissistic abuse tend to take on the responsibilities of others without even realizing it. Since narcissists are very emotionally, relationally, and otherwise, irresponsible, having a partner pick of the pieces helps keep the process going. After all, someone needs to raise the kids and pay the bills.
Accommodating. Narcissists want to have their own way. They tend to be rule-oriented and controlling. They are inflexible. It benefits narcissists to have partners who are willing to go with the flow and not make a big deal over anything, ever. If you are willing to not get your way, be extremely flexible, and willing to bend and compromise away your desires, schedule, wants, and needs, then you are exactly what a narcissist wants in his/her life.
If you believe your partner is abusing you and taking advantage of your good traits, then you can do something about it. You dont necessarily need to stop having all of the awesome traits listed above, you just need to be wise and use discernment about when to display these traits. Remember the verse in scripture, Dont throw your pearls before swine? It is helpful to use this saying when dealing with an abusive person.
You can still possess these great traits, but you dont have to bring them out for another person to exploit. You can stop being forgiving, loyal, outward focused, self-sacrificing, overly-responsible, and accommodating when dealing with any person who isnt going to appreciate these traits in you.
- This is called wisdom and discernment,
- How to implement wisdom and discernment: Wisdom is the lessons you have learned from lifes experiences.
- If you are reading this article you have already become wise to the ways of a narcissist.
- You are probably aware of how you have been abused by this person.
- This means, that in exchange for the negative experiences youve had, you have gained wisdom.
You understand on a deep level what it means to be in a relationship that is toxic and exploitative of others. Wisdom tells you to think before acting. Discernment involves making choices based on wisdom. Once you realize that your good traits are being used as tools for your partner to manipulate you with, you can make decisions regarding when and with whom you will demonstrate your good traits.